My Son The Superhero
After doing my duties as a male and watching the latest Batman flick I pondered, as any obsessed blogger would, if my son were a Superhero who would he be?
Pseudonym – Bubble Boy
Costume – The usual superhero stuff – pants over tights, cape, laser goggles, etc, etc……….oh and blue wellies.
Special Powers – He can blow toxic bubbles from every orifice – yellow gloopy ones from his nose, regular spit ones from his mouth and stinky ones from you know where. If his bubbles don’t get you he will simply bludgeon any baddies to death with a flurry of blows from a toy car – KAPOW, THWACK, ZAP, KLONK!
Weakness – Whilst Superman turned into a big girls blouse around Kryptonite, Bubble Boy is immune to wet wipes. More specifically wet wipes rubbed vigorously around his face to remove remnants of his last meal, it’s as if it rubs a little bit of his special powers away too.
Sidekick – Dad Man, not comfortable with lycra tights and a cape, Dad Man usually opts for a smart but casual T-Shirt and Jeans combo. Dad Man knows his place and happily plays second fiddle to Bubble Boy following him from adventure to adventure doing his best to keep him safe. His Achilles heel is Maggie Beers Burnt Fig, Honey Comb and Caramel Ice Cream and goes some way to explaining his reluctance for lycra.
Love Interest – Superman had Lois Lane, Spidey had Kirsten Dunst (allegedly) and frankly Batman was a bit of a player and had whoever his little bat heart desired, Bubble Boy has Library Girl. Library Girl turns up intermittently, usually at the library hence her name, and is the one and only girl to reciprocate his Bubbly advances. When it comes time for Library Girl to leave, Bubble Boy usually makes a desperate and noisy attempt to ditch Dad Man and follow her.
Enemy – Checkout Chick, a middle aged Chinese lady at our local supermarket who insists on pinching Bubble Boys cheeks a little harder than he is comfortable with every time we visit her till, much to Bubble Boys utter disgust.
Catchphrase- Whilst Spiderman’s Spidey Senses used to tingle and Batman used to order Robin to the Batpole like his bitch, Bubble Boy has elected for a simple but catchy catchphrase – “bubble, bubble, bubble”.
Theme Song –Bubble Boy, Bubble Boy, His Bubbles are Far More than a Toy, His Name is Bubble Booooooooooyyyyyyyy!” Sung to the same tune as Spiderman’s, I’m not going to lie it’s a catch little ditty that has burrowed its way into my head; I’ve been caught singing it twice today already.