Let’s Talk About Sex (Post) Baby

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You can’t really claim to be a bona fide blogger, until you write a post embarrassing enough for the next conversation you have with your mum to be a little awkward. So here goes. For reasons unbeknownst to me I feel compelled to go into the deep and murky waters of SEX post-baby.  I suspect that mums are far more likely to discuss this topic than Dads, we mainly discuss sport, beer and the weather you see, so in the spirit of sharing I think it’s only fair you have a dad’s perspective.

Sex pre-Max was a little like good beer, it was on tap and it put a smile on my face. Whilst watching on with morbid curiosity as Mrs Under’s nipple was rhythmically thrust back and forth through a pump, I wondered if sex would ever occur again. Breast pumps have all the aphrodisiac potential of a hairy man in a thong…………..or so I am told anyhow.

There is no shortage of contraceptive symptoms for life post baby. There is the fact that you have recently witnessed a blue creature emerge from a place that is normally reserved for the two of you. Watching Mrs Under give birth combined an overwhelming sense of joy and beauty with an overwhelming desire to look away and/or faint.

Once mother and child are safely home the chances of any amorous behaviour is curtailed by the fact that everyone is asleep, exhausted or in tears. Throw in a ready supply of baby sick, the afore mentioned pump that reduced Mrs Under to a dairy cow, a wife coming to terms with some bodily adjustments, a mysterious little person I don’t really know sharing our bedroom and a husband trying to come to terms with all of the above and you do not have the makings of a passionate encounter.

On those tough parent days, you know the ones I mean,  we both look at one another and without saying anything acknowledge that it was sex that got us into this mess in the first place and should therefore be regarded a s the enemy. Even the simple pleasure of holding hands has its challenges, one of you is generally laden with nappies and other baby paraphernalia whilst the other is pushing a pram, two handed jobs if ever there were.

Time is a wonderful healer though and like a long lost pet you once loved (another really awful analogy) the sex has returned – hoorah! The act of foreplay is now checking and double checking that Max is asleep and it’s every bit as satisfying to find out that he is. No longer like a good beer sex now bares comparison to a fine wine, getting better with age and reserved for special occasions.

I am off to seek Mrs Under’s approval for this post, what you read will have had 50 Shades of Censorship for anything divorce worthy. I suspect that this is all a little tame for the subject matter and for that I apologise, but I am a man and I did try, so I deserve points for that surely? I look forward to that awkward conversation with my Mum.

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  • http://mum-abulous.com Mumabulous

    I really like Reservoir Dad’s theory that men who do the housework get more action in the sack. I really, really, really like that theory. I’ve no doubt that as a SAHD you’re chalking up many brownie points there.
    I’ll be serious for a moment – for myself (and I’m sure many other parents) the reason that my mojo’s gone AWOL is that there are little people clinging to me all day – all day. In the evening I crave my own space. I’ve been hugging, kissing, comforting, lifting and dressing my kids for a twelve hour stretch and I can’t take any more intimacy. I still find my husband attractive but I “vant to be alone” until it all starts again the next morning.

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      You will have men up and down the country getting their hoovers out!

      • http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/ Julie

        Justin almost got lucky because for the first time in our six year relationship he made the bed. I say almost because the lure of a bed made by someone other than myself was too much for me to handle. I just wanted to lay there and enjoy the clean sheets.

        http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/

        • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

          Poor old Justin, still you can’t beat that fresh sheet feeling!

  • http://www.takechargenow.com.au becc03

    I agree with everything mumabulous says…there is little left to add :)
    Becc via #ibot

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      and I agree with both of you, a day with a toddler does not exactly set the right tone

  • http://jloucrawford.blogspot.com Jessica

    great post! and i third mumabulous’ comment! I have a 3 month old and a 2.5 year old and I am sooo tired at the moment I can’t be bothered but lucky I have a wonderful husband who is working plus reaping at the moment too and is also soooo tired he cant be bothered either!

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      Thanks Jessica. Yeah three month old babies are a little prohibitive. Parenting can be distinctly unsexy

  • http://itsacircusinhere.wordpress.com/ Jessi

    I am the opposite!I would rather go lay in bed with my husband then do the dishes or washing..possibly why we have 4 children?!Yes?No?
    Canoodling is no longer harmful in eventuating in 3 month olds on our home.

  • http://evilgeniusmum.wordpress.com evilgeniusmum

    I love the fact that you were all brave and stuff, talking about this… and still had it reviewed by Mrs Under. Did that help your points tally? :) Would have been bonus points if you’d made her a cup of tea while she reviewed.

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      You can never have enough points evilgeniusmum

  • http://slapdashmama.blogspot.com.au SarahMac

    Bahaha!!!!! Seriously, how hot is that breast pump action! Don’t get me started on the sexifying factor of poo explosions and wee on the marital bedsheets! Hold me back!

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      I think I was spared poo explosions and wee, but I can imagine ; )

  • http://iamdirtyblonde.blogspot.co.uk/ Dirty Blonde

    This post has made me realise how far I’ve come in my parenting journey – no more breastpumps, milky sick, overwhelming tiredness. God bless my nearly two year old!

    Sex post baby for me however has been with a man who isn’t my husband. I strongly believe that marriages can only survive / thrive (?) with regular physical contact. And of course lots of communication during those times when the thought of sex makes one / both of you run for the hills.

    You probably shouldn’t listen to me though, I’m no expert…

  • http://www.reddirtblueskies.com BossyMummy

    Mmmmmm, clean sheets ;)

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      Better than dirty ones?

  • Pingback: Caught my eye Friday – Sex, more sex and homophones | the illiterate infant

  • http://sarahsspecialmoments.blogspot.com x S.K.K x

    This is completely awesome and loved every word! Great job in the sharing department! Haha

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      Thank you Sarah – its good to share ; )

  • http://twitter.com/always_josefa always josefa (@always_josefa)

    this is just brilliant!
    absolutely loved it
    so many parts i could quote you on and say “just perfect”
    off to share on twitter – too good to keep to myself
    xx

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      Thanks for spreading the love……so to speak ; )

  • http://gravatar.com/parentalparody Parental Parody

    Nailed it.

    The post. The whole sex after baby thing. Not Mrs Under. I’m guessing. Unless it was a good day.

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      That is quite an expression PP. Its not one we use in NEgland but I think I can read between the lines……and no ; )

  • http://www.cupofteaandablog.com Catherine Rodie Blagg

    I love your beer/wine analogies! My bro-in-law compares watching child birth to watching your favourite pub burn to the ground.

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      Not sure Mrs under shares your love for my analogies on our sex life, ho hum ; )

  • http://mamagrace71.wordpress.com mamagrace71

    Oh, crack me up! Not wanting to ruin your celebration in getting back to the bedroom rhythm, don’t forget that getting back to some bow chica bow wow means the possibility of going through the whole cycle of having another baby! Enjoy!

    • http://daddownunder.wordpress.com daddownunder

      The thought had occurred to me, what can I say I’m a risk taker : )

  • http://www.twinkleintheeyeblog.com Bree @ Twinkle in the Eye

    Ah it happens to the beast of us. Actually no, it happens to all of us!