Date Night Club – Date Night 4 Life Drawing on a Budget

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In a bid to keep the flames of passion burning brightly I have propositioned Mrs Under with a fortnightly date night. Every two weeks I will book a baby sitter, take her out and show her a good time. The first rule of Date Night Club – you DO talk about Date Night Club! The second rule of Date Night Club is that restaurants, cinemas and bars are all banned, this is to be an unconventional Date Night. So there you have it, I will be giving you a full disclosure of what we get up to, where we got up to it and whether Mrs Under’s switch was flicked (that sounded like innuendo, it wasn’t).

Date Night – Saturday 22nd June

Venue – The Living Room

Cost – One man’s modesty

Dress Code – Erm, nothing but a teddy

So far all of the dates have involved a financial purchase, I don’t want Anna to get too used to the good life (that would be crazy) and so I wracked my brain for a cheap date. I had a vague notion that Anna used to like art way back in the olden days of school, someone may as well get some use out of all those art supplies we’ve been trying to force on Max.

“What could we draw?”

“I could draw you? It could be a life drawing”

“What’s a life drawing?”

“You basically take all of your clothes off and I draw you. You’re the one who’s trying to impress me on these dates after all”

“I’ll do it in the name of art”

The only person who is happy about the lack of heat in our house is Max, he runs around the house blowing steam from his funnel and pretending to be a steam engine. In other words you can see your own breath in our house right now. Besides the obvious health and safety concerns of sitting naked in an environment that is surely approaching freezing, I also have to consider that the final picture wouldn’t really do me justice so to speak.

After minutes and minutes of fierce negotiation it was agreed that I would be allowed one item to protect my modesty and provide some valuable warmth. Max has a teddy bear that is the right size to save my blushes and warm enough for the job. Now I know that it sounds a little bit wrong of me to cover my crown jewels with my son’s teddy, whose name by the way is Rockford, but it has long since been rejected and lives a sorry life at the bottom of his toy box and it’s in the name of art.

The first time I realised that this was one of the strangest dates I’ve ever been on was when I came out of the bathroom with a teddy bear gripped to my waist, Anna does her best not to wet her pants laughing but I suspect she might have a little bit. I double check that there are no hidden cameras and that all of the blinds are firmly closed. I take my place on the chair, the cold chair, and adopt a suitably artistic pose.

Anna composes herself and starts holding her pencil up at all different angles and squinting through one eye and leaning her head to the side in a way that suggests she might actually know what she’s doing. Who knows it might even look nice above the mantel piece or perhaps we could use it for this year’s Christmas cards? “Finished” says Mrs Under, a quick check of the microwave clock reveals she’s been at it for a whopping 10 minutes. Gosh she must be good to be able to churn out high quality pieces of art after only 10 minutes. I gently get up from the stool, taking Rockford with me, to check the finished piece.

I don’t know quite what to say. I probably would have preferred it if my right hand was visible because it’s quite hard to tell what its actually doing down there. I also look like I’ve had a botched boob job and a hobbit foot. When max saw it the next day he ran up and kissed it and said “I love you Daddy”. Oh well if it’s good enough for the boy it’s good enough for me.


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  • Veronica Neal

    Hmmm I’m a little speechless on this one LOL !!!

    • Dad Down Under

      I didn’t think it was possible Veronica, I think I may have achieved something few peopl ehave done before me ; )

  • Emily @ Have a laugh on me

    OH MY FUGGING GAWD – my cheeks (not bum) are hurting from smiling so much! Firstly – ummm Anna – don’t you think Rockford is pointing a little funny? Secondly – LOVE LOVE that you do this, you are very talented (no not you Matt, you’re just nude!)
    Thirdly – LMAO
    That is all
    Em x
    p.s love the new blog –

    • Dad Down Under

      I knew you’d appreciate the humour Em, some might have been put off their meat and veg tonight? Now that you mention it Rockford is at a funny angle BUT that is Anna’s bad drawing rather than me having a wonky willy. I will pass on the compliment to Anna and yes I was just nude, for 10 minutes, in the freezing cold, with nothing but a teddy!

  • Caz Makepeace

    This is hilarious!! The hand is a bit questionable! Maybe I might try this with Craig LOL

    • Dad Down Under

      Listen Caz, there was nothing inappropriate going on with the hand, honest, honest, honest and besides I’m left handed. Yep I want a follow up post featuring Craig, I mean I dont really want to see it.

  • tawhi r k

    What a hilarious way to make date night nothing but entertaining and fun for (I hope) both of you! Love the idea I think my hubby and I would laugh for hours over the pictures we would produce! Mainly because we cant draw haha

    • Dad Down Under

      “I would laugh for hours over the pictures we would produce” – all the more reason to do it I say : ) Maybe i’m starting a trend without even knowing about it. I might have to set up a hashtag #daddownunderlifedrawing ?

  • IrishMum

    Frodo, the bear looks so sus!

    • Dad Down Under

      I hope that snot the sort of nickname that sticks : ) Listen, I can’t help it if the bear looks sus, I was just focusing on not getting frost bite

  • Veronica Neal

    hehe hubby would agree with you there DDU !!

  • Cherie @ Raising Master Max

    FLIPPING HILARIOUS. And awesome.

    My last date with my husband was the 5th January this year.

    We are COMPLETE homebodies, & seriously need to get out more.

    Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Dad Down Under

      Cherie aren’t you meant to be giving birth right now? Don’t laugh too hard I dont want to be responsible for any early labours ; ) You dont need to get out more, you just need to take your clothes off and get drawing.

  • Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me

    Hilarious! Sounds like a great night in. I’m gonna ask hubby if he’s up for it :)

    • Dad Down Under

      Yay do it Renee, who will be the artist and who will be the model? I hope your house is warmer than ours ; ) thanks for stopping by

  • Bridet

    OMG that is hilarious!! I could not stop laughing, so much so, my hubby had to come and check out what all the noise was about!! What a great idea for a home date night! love it! particularly good if one of you can draw. I hate to think what we would produce…a game of Pictionary is enough to send my drawing skills into a spin… perhaps we will give it a go, just to see!

    • Dad Down Under

      Go on Bridget, I double dare you! I thought you’d like it and it came in on budget this time. Thanks for stopping by

  • Neets

    That is absolute gold! I couldn’t stop laughing reading this. I’m thinking that Mrs Under is naughtier than what she leads on. Was teddy’s leg supposed to look like that?? :) I’ve just popped a calendar invite into my hubby’s calendar…I am going to attempt this as it looks like a lot of fun. (and gosh we need some sparkle) That reminds me, I must book hubby in for a wax this week ha ha

    • Dad Down Under

      Mrs Under is a lot naughtier than her butter wouldn’t melt online persona Anita, but don’t tell her I said that. I would love to be a fly on the wall when hubby reads that calender entry : ) Mental image of someones hubby getting waxed – ouch! Thanks for commenting

  • Mike YDad Cbay

    Haha that’s a fantastic idea!

    The teddy looks like it’s in a compromising position though. 😐

    Also, love the new blog design mate. :)

    • Dad Down Under

      Thank you Mike, glad you like the blog and the post. I can only blame the artist for that Mike, me and ted are completely innocent

  • KezUnprepared

    Hahaha I love it. Thanks for the giggles haha.

  • Rory

    Serious hilarity and the artists rendition it’s quite accurate. Except of course for the teen wolf feet – I wouldn’t know…

    • Dad Down Under

      I was thinking more Hobbit Rory, but yes you’re quite right Teen Wolf all the way.

  • Liv

    Poise comes to mind. I think I just wet myself.

    • Dad Down Under

      You’re in good company Mrs Under wet herself too.

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