Use It or Lose It
Use it or lose it. That’s a saying isn’t it? There are some days when I feel I might have lost it. The ‘it’ I am referring to is my brain and its ability to function beyond the pace of a geriatric snail. Conversations break down half way through as I struggle to find the word I’m looking for, “we went to the city yesterday and we got to the……..hang on….bare with me….it’s on the tip of my tongue……nope it’s gone”.
It’s a worry. It feels like a little insight into what old age might be like. Since looking after Max I’ve ploughed all my efforts into nourishing his sponge-like little brain but my own has been left feeling malnourished. The person I converse with more than anyone else is 2 years old and although he does pretty well for his age, the conversation doesn’t exactly sparkle.
The books I read more than any other are the ones that start “that’s not my dog it’s blah blah is too blah blah”. The television shows I watch more than any other tend to involve animated pigs or trains. I spend an unhealthy amount of time digging sand castles or pretending to be a train. The music I listen to more than any other are designed to permanently sear the alphabet onto your brain. I sometimes catch myself eating from little plastic plates with pictures of diggers on them and I snack on raisins and carrot sticks.
I’m feeding my brain on a toddler diet. I feel like Tom Hanks in Big only the other way around, my version would be called Small – a capable adult who regresses back to his toddler years. I can get away with it around other dazed and confused stay at home parent types but last week I got an email from a radio station, “would you like to share your views on why there are more stay at home dad’s”. I don’t know why but it never occurred to me that this friendly little chat would be live. They will simply edit out the bits where I sound like a village idiot and what’s left will leave me sounding like a parenting genius.
The phone rang, “okay, you’re on in 30 seconds, remember you’re live so keep your answers brief and no swearing……15……….10……..5”. No swearing? Can’t I just have one quick one now? Just one big f-bomb before we go live? Every sinew in my body wanted to press the little red telephone symbol that makes the nasty radio people go away but I didn’t. I talked, I put words together to form sentences, meaningful ones at that, I used long words and I even did a joke that made the presenters laugh, fake radio laughing but laughing none the less. I remember what this is like, this is fun, I used to be quite good at this talking coherently lark. I put down the phone and had that sense of elation you get when you conquer something that scares the bejesus out of you.
Thank you for saving me in my hour of need brain, I’m sorry for not feeding you a proper adult diet, from now on I will try harder not to neglect you.
Does anyone else feed their brain on a toddler diet? Do you have days where it refuses to play ball. Did you once fear you had lost it forever only to find it again.
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