The One Problem With Being a Daddy Blogger

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I had the foolish notion when I started blogging that it was going to be a place for men to come together and talk fatherhood. What an idiot! It took a couple of months to realise that (a) men don’t generally read blogs (b) men don’t generally talk fatherhood they just do it, and, (c) men tend not to come together, unless there’s a pub or a sports stadium or a pub in a sports stadium.

There are definite perks to being a daddy blogger; there aren’t many of us, our population is on a par with the Javan Rhino and so in that respect we provide some sort of novelty value, like a desk toy that you never asked for. It was also pointed out to me that I have benefitted from being the “token dad”, an argument I can’t dispute too fiercely – I even toyed with changing the name of the blog to Token Dad. I’m often told that it’s nice to have a male perspective on parenting (although I doubt it’s all that different from the next Mum’s).

I sometimes feel a little like the guy that has gatecrashed his fiancé’s Hen Do and insists on hanging about all night. I want to join in, I want to be friends but I need to remember sometimes that I am not one of the girls, I have little expertise in conversations about makeup, menopause, menstrual cycles or macrobiotic diets, none at all, but I still do, sometimes clumsily.

This post isn’t meant to be about conforming to gender stereotypes or somehow promoting a them and us mentality. It’s an observation that I’ve crossed the gender divide, I’ve made progress. When I started blogging a lot of posts were about my own insecurities about being a Stay at Home Dad, feeling a little like the odd one out.  These days when I go to a park and see a group of Mums I don’t see a group of Mums I see a group of adults and I want in on whatever they are chatting about.

I found myself commenting on a post last week about makeup (smoky eyes) and it occurred to me “what the bloody hell are you doing, what do you know about smoky eyes?”. So if I do stumble across your post on accessorizing with belts and I try to join just humour me. If I barge in on a Twitter debate about Patrick from Offspring I mean you no harm. And if I tell you that your Instagram picture of your dinner looks “nom nom” don’t worry I do that sometimes, I have made myself comfortable and feel quite at home in our space.

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  • twopointfivekids

    Love it!! You are welcome anytime :)

    • Matthew Ross

      Thanks Lisa : )

  • Mel Duker

    ohhh Matt…. it sounds like it has been a tough morning at the playground. As new blogger everything that I read says “find your own voice”… in my case it is through my dog on http://www.1stworlddog.wordpress.com... but hey it is what works for me. I have this thing about not sharing pics of my daughter on the web too often but the dog is fair game and hence the idea of sharing the chaos of our world through his eyes.
    Love reading your posts just the way they are.

    • Matthew Ross

      Thanks Mel – I think I’ve been ambiguous again Mel, no tough mornings. I found myself commenting on a post about makeup the other day and it occurred to me “what the bloody hell are you doing, you aren’t meant to be here”.

  • http://mylittlesunshinehouse.com/ Zanni Louise

    I’m pretty sure you’re accepted on the whole! I am jealous of your unique status in the parent-blogging community. There are so many of us ladies. One thing I am not sure about with you is the x factor…as in I put a X on the end of most comments to female bloggers, but it somehow seems awkward to do the same for male bloggers. What do you reckon?

    • Matthew Ross

      I feel very accepted, totally and completely Zanni. I just meant my own hang up really. I am happy with an x, I won’t read anything into it, unless you use 3 and then my male brain will go into overdrive ; )

      • http://mylittlesunshinehouse.com/ Zanni Louise

        Ha ha. I will be extra cautious!

      • http://blog.downthatlittlelane.com.au/ Tessa White

        Oh I am safe then as I mostly use two x

  • Susie Gibson

    how do you eat a kebab without dropping any? that’s the real issue here…

    • Matthew Ross

      You seal the sides and ends with humus Susie ; )

      • Susie Gibson

        Hah! Perfect.

  • http://www.moretas4less.com.au/ Bron Hogan

    Hey Matt – I blog about the adventures of Tasmania by two money bank pig mascots! (www.blog.moretas4less.com.au)… being different is FUN
    keep on keeping on!

    • Matthew Ross

      Thanks Bron, that certainly sounds like a niche area : ) I might have to pick your brains about Tassie sometime, I’m Tassie curious

  • http://www.moretas4less.com.au/ Bron Hogan

    Any time at all – Tassie is AWESOME

  • Yellow_Dandy

    I want to know your top 10 beer list! And I share your affinity for Rocky movies, I think my favourite is Rocky 3. That’s the Russian one right?
    For the record, I think you are fitting in pretty well! – Karen

    • Matthew Ross

      That’s 2 requests for the beer list now, to me that is more than enough to warrant a post – watch this space Karen ; )

  • http://blog.downthatlittlelane.com.au/ Tessa White

    nah don’t go assuming.. we are happy to have you around and there are lots of us tomboys in the blogging world too.. I don’t drink beer but I do love Rocky, mad Star Wars fan and am up for any adventure sport. Oh and I used to date the great grandson of the founder of spurs so lets not talk football :)

    • Matthew Ross

      Star Wars, Rocky, Adventure Sports and you call it football – you’re perfect! No more assumptions.

  • Cherie

    See, I’m the opposite ;)

    Have been craving finding myself some Daddy friends, as sometimes the whole chick clicks get a little … ca-razy.

    And I just so happened to stumble upon an awesome group of Daddy friends the other week at a park two doors down from my house. Even better? They’re all work from home Dads, who just so happened to be on their lunch break. Now we catch up weekly, & it’s just nice to NOT talk parenting for a while, SHEESH! :)

    They relate to the work from home slash juggling parenting gig, just like me, & that’s about as FAR as we delve into parenting.

    Jump in on the chick click any time, I’ve no doubt you’d always be welcome!

    (Cherie @ Raising Master Max)

    • Matthew Ross

      Cherie sounds like you’ve found yourself some good Daddy dudes there. I need me some of those, just to balance things up a bit. Hope you’re doing good.

    • http://blog.downthatlittlelane.com.au/ Tessa White

      ba ha ha my fellow tomboy.. so wish we were in the same state hun x

  • http://lilybettandboy.blogspot.com/ Lilybett and Boy

    Rocky IV is my favourite, because Dolph Lundgren is so utterly ridiculous.

    • Matthew Ross

      Do you mean ridiculous accent and acting or ridiculously hot? See I’m doing it again, trying to be one of the girls. My fave is the first one, its a classic.

  • Neets

    It’s nice having a token bloke amongst us Matt. Women can relate to your writing. I think you’re a bit of a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) & there should be more of you out there.

  • deb xo

    I’m very interested in how to eat a kebab without dropping any?

    • Matthew Ross

      You seal the edges and plug the bottom with humus – it probably isn’t deserving of an entire post Deb

  • rick_farrar

    Welcome to a very select club. We’re a strange breed. The fact that you are coping as well as you do is a credit to you and your Mum and you are doing a grand job of explaining the male perspective and making it more acceptable. Good Job Matt!

  • Emily @ Have a laugh on me

    Awww I love it when you jumped in and comment, you’re one of the girls Matt!!! I have to say I adore it when a man comments on my blog, means that it’s something that you have enjoyed or thought about. Keep up the comments!

    • Matthew Ross

      Err thanks Em : ) I will always keep coming back to yours because of who you are

  • Robyn (Mrs D)

    I love your comments and how you just get stuck in!! Don’t go anywhere – we’d miss you!! You often remind me of my hubby! He’d give his left arm to be a stay at home dad I think xx

    • Matthew Ross

      Aww thanks Robyn, I don’t intend to go anywhere, I’ll continue to wade in and share my thoughts on crochet and swimwear ; )

  • http://www.theparentingfiles.com.au the parenting files – tahlia

    You are totally a mum, dad and everything else…

    • Matthew Ross

      I’ll take that Tahlia – Mum and Dad = A Mad (fairly accurate sometimes)

  • Matt Eagleton

    I’m a dad. Only thing I read is Facebook, compulsory texts for uni & your blog (which I read usually in tandem w’ my wife). I can relate a little with your situation….I’m down the park w’ my 16 month old & meet up with the weekly ‘mums group’. Feel completely accepted as where chatting about politics & of course kids and then suddenly the convo heads towards ‘getting your nails done’ – I have no where to look but away…..& have nothing to add to the convo so keep strangely quiet……

    • Matthew Ross

      You get me Matt! I’ve been oestregenised, I’m happy to have any sort of adult conversation but I am out of my depth most of the time : )

      • Aaron

        See, this blog does get to some of your intended audience!
        Right, so there’s three of us Stay-at-home Dads here, how many more?

  • Katie (mrsnics)

    Top 10 beer list?! Now you are talking! Get writing :-)

    • Matthew Ross

      I think the rate this is going a Top 10 Beers post could end up being my most popular ever – will have to get sampling this week.

      • Aaron

        I’ve got a few to add to this list!

  • This Is Wellbeing

    I think hearing a Dad’s point of view is refreshing.
    I can relate to what you are saying and don’t worry not all us Mum’s flourish in the traditional ‘Mother’s Groups’ either. We need break-out mixed sex groups of parent’s that want to break the sterotypes.
    I just stay true to myself, chat away and I end up finding the right parents (or shock, brilliant child free peeps) to connect with!
    Another vote for the Top 10 beer list please!

    • Matthew Ross

      Stay true to yourself – it’s the best way to be Cassandra, anything else is too much like hard work. I think balance is great, I probably spend 95% of my time with women, I’m not complaining but I find I need a bloke outlet form time to time : )

  • http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/ Julie

    I do not like shopping, or getting my nails done, or wearing heels (stupid torture chambers), but it does not mean I cannot have an opinion. Surely…,please tell me we have passed the age of gendered only conversations and segregation of the sexes?

    • Matthew Ross

      I think we have Julie. I’m not about gender segregation, I would be buggered if I was. I’m poking fun at me for offering opinions on smoky eyes and such like, not on all manner of conversation

    • Aaron

      We’re definitely past it. But, I can tell you from being the ‘token stay-at-home-dad” in our coffee group that some conversation topics are better if I just walk away when they come up…

  • http://theneverendingmiracle.com/ Arjan Tupan

    Oh wow, that must be hard. Being an Arsenal fan, I mean. Although, maybe this seasons it’s going to be better. I liked Arsenal since they had Bergkamp. But then again, I’m Dutch.

    For the rest: I really don’t see why you can’t mix stuff around a bit. Being a good cocktail of manly-man-stuff (like beer) and giving a man’s point of view on the typical girly things (like Arsenal, err, I mean voicing your opinion about smokey eyes or the yumminess of a wrap on Instagram).

    • Jax Blunt

      Whoa, small world. Hello Arjan.

      Nothing like a bit of poking fun at a stereotype is there? Please tell me where on my blog you find anything about “makeup, menopause, menstrual cycles or macrobiotic diets”. Women vary, pretty much like men do. Or are you really all arsenal fans?

      Doh.

      • http://theneverendingmiracle.com/ Arjan Tupan

        Haha, small world indeed! Hello Jax!

        Isn’t that amazing. I think the fun of being human is that we all vary, and yet also have things in common and find eachother in all sorts of interesting places. Unity in diversity?

  • http://awesomelyunprepared.com/ KezUnprepared

    Hahaha I love this blog. You’re funny, warm, honest and I love your stories/musings. I love that you’re not afraid to get involved in the parental blogging world. In some ways I love that blogs like yours remind me that we’re ALL parents, dads AND mums. I’m glad you document your experiences. Maybe it’s because I am a dorky dad (complete with bad jokes) stuck in a lady’s body. Someone has to represent the dudes! I am so glad I stumbled onto your blog – it’s one of my favourites. Just be you :)

  • Rowen Spall

    I would love to learn how to eat a kebab without dropping any?! Isn’t that like impossible….

  • Cloudy Wishes

    flamin awesome that you blog, stand proud daddy!

    • daddownunder

      Thank you, I will