Trivial Things That Irk Me About Food
On the whole food is a wonderful thing, I mean I couldn’t live without it, literally. It brings no little pleasure and joy to my life. But there are things about food, really trivial first world things that irk me. Things that in the grand scheme of things aren’t really worth mentioning, but I will, here are some that spring to mind;
- Tortilla wraps that are stuck together and no matter how delicately you try to separate them you know deep down that they will rip sooner or later leaving you with one holey wrap and one stodgy wrap, both substandard wraps.
- Mandarins that have more than one pip per segment, if I were a mandarin farmer I’d be very happy about these pip producing fruit but I’m not I’m a Daddy that has to remove each and every one.
- Squeezing every unripened avocado on the supermarket shelf and by the time you find ‘the one’ you’re so full of rage that you squeeze it so hard you ruin the damn thing.
- There are few foodie things that irk me like cutting into a poached egg and instead of gloopy yolk seeping over my toast it sort of crumbles and stubbornly refuses to budge.
- Opening pickle jars could be an event at World’s Strongest Man. Why is it that pickles need to be so tightly contained that opening them turns your face a purple?
- Opening the butter tub after the familiar pop of the toaster only to find it is all gone. There is a moment’s debate as to whether enough can be scraped to salvage this breakfast related disaster before you give up and settle for a bowl of stale cereal instead.
- The rogue mouldy carrot that turns the entire bag to mush mildly irritates me, there’s one in every packet.
- Biting into what you hoped would be succulent chicken and crunching down on some sort of gristly connective tissue is particularly unpleasant.
- Topping and tailing green beans is a tiresome task, can’t you all just be the same size?
- Opening a carton of eggs and finding that half are mysteriously glued to the bottom of the carton, not enough to make any mess and alert you to the problem but just enough to question whether you should eat them.
- Playing and failing at Freezer Tetris as you try to fit a box of Magnums into the last remaining space, which is a small triangle.
Can you relate? What’s on your trivial food gripe list?