Butt Out Dad

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Max has toddled his way through toddlerhood and is officially a boy, a big boy if you take him at his word. Suddenly he knows how to say “it’s not fair”, albeit completely out of context, he plays with Lego, finds Thomas the Tank Engine beneath him and no longer believes in siesta time. I’d put most of these changes down to the short time he has spent mixing it with the big boys and girls in Kinder.


He’s attached himself to some older boys and has discovered his rebellious streak. Nothing too heinous just lots of talk of “pooh pooh bum bum” (which let’s face it when you’re three years old is the equivalent of dropping the f-bomb). I put on my Dad Hat and told him that big boys tend not to reference pooh pooh bum bum on a regular basis and that some of his recent behaviour hadn’t been befitting of a big boy.

“But Tommy says it Daddy”

“Well maybe Tommy shouldn’t say it Max and if he does you could always play with the other children too”

He looked at me thoughtfully and gave every impression that he had realised the ‘error of his ways’, excellent work Daddio. The next morning after a pooh pooh bum bum free breakfast I took him to Kinder. Sure enough Tommy came running over “pooh pooh bum bum”. Max explained to him that he wasn’t allowed to say that anymore. He then went one step further and in front of Tommy’s Mummy told him “my Daddy said that I’m not allowed to play with you anymore”.

The more you try and deny a charge like that the more guilty you sound. Tommy’s Mummy did what any self respecting parent would do and gave me the stinkiest stink eye ever and I probably deserved it. Max had a rubbish day at Kinder that day, Tommy refused to play with him and being new to the emotional rollercoaster that is Kinder friendship cliques I felt genuinely crap about it.


Hopefully Max and Tommy patch things up and get back to pooh pooh bum bum’ing their way through life. Going forward I’ll select my words with more care, trust him to work things out for himself and I’ll shout Tommy’s Mummy a coffee by way of grovelling apology.

Have you ever been misquoted by your kids?

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  • http://www.havealaughonme.com/ Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me

    My daughter’s principal said to me if you only believe half the things your children tell you about what happens at school then we promise to only believe half of the things they tell us happens at home!! Kids are the best at Chinese whispers

    • daddownunder

      That’s a pretty good principal they’ve go there, trouble is which half to believe?

  • http://soniastyling.com/ Sonia from Sonia Styling

    Yikes, they are like little sponges aren’t they? Soaking up everything you say, even when you think they are not listening. Knowing my love for…colourful…language, it’s times like these I’m grateful my ‘kid’ is a puppy dog!

    • daddownunder

      Imagine if dogs could talk Sonia? Just think what yours would be coming out with ; )

  • rhian @melbs

    Hmmm, what do you do if your three year old does actually drop the f-bomb? The perils of naughty boys at kinder hey! I long for poo poo bum.
    Let’s just say he is no longer associating with the originator and I really don’t care what his mum thinks about it. :-(

    • daddownunder

      That’s no good Rhian – it seems like no matter what you do at home its only a matter of time before their vocabulary takes on a more colourful look. You wouldn’t really think you need to worry at kinder would you?

  • http://www.countrylifeexperiment.com/ JoCountrylifeexperiment

    When my oldest Was 3, she announced to our entire church that the police had breath tested me in the car because I was drinking alcomol (alcohol). In fact I had been routine breath tested, and had not touched alcohol for about 10 years. The more I tried to explain the more pathetic it sounded.

    • daddownunder

      Oh dear Jo, out of the mouths of babes. I bet you got some funny looks after that I know what you mean, the more you insist I don’t drink, the drunker you sound ; )

  • Richard Farrar

    On Jonathan’s first day at Wansbeck First School his teacher, Mrs. Miller asked if anyone in the reception class could count. Jonathan put his hand up in a flash. “Okay, Jonathan.” said Mrs. Miller, “Let’s hear you count.” “One, two, three, four” followed by a long pause. “That’s OK, Jonathan. What comes after four?” “Smack miss”
    I was invited to an interview with the head who expressed some concern at this turn of events. I had some difficulty explaining that I had never actually had to smack Jonathan as it rarely got past three.
    Years later, when he was at Bothal Middle School, I went to help with a field trip. When I arrived all the children were looking at me very strangely and some commented that my ears were normal. It was his teacher that explained that Jonathan had told his friends that I had said that I was an alien. It was 1991 and I had had commented that I was having to register as an alien on the census form as I was born abroad. Tee hee. He doesn’t know how close to the truth he is.

  • http://dadwithtwokids.wordpress.com Dadwithtwokids

    My 2yr old Theo helped me make lasange today the Mozerella that we put on top became Monster-ella (which sounds much more exciting!)

    • daddownunder

      Theo might have just stumbled across his first money spinner – “Monster Ella putting the bite in your cheese”

  • Reen

    I probably have been misquoted by my oldest child but have chosen to blank out the memory. He is five and still does the poo bum wee talk as do his friends. And his three year old sister, who has limited vocabulary, manages to call me ‘Poo head.”

    • daddownunder

      That made me chuckle Reen, I’m laughing with you not at you….poo head ; )

  • Maxabella

    Worse is when they get older and DON’T mis-quote you when they tell the world everything you’ve ever said about anyone and everything. Filter, kids, filter!!

    PS – not entirely sure of the significance of the wet t-shirt, but I like it… :)

    • daddownunder

      It doesn’t sound like it gets any easier this parenting caper. The wet t-shirt is completely insignificant, I have a repertoire of about 15 father/son pictures that are on rotation, this is number 14 ; )

  • Mel

    I may have not had my finest parenting moment after a particularly big fight with “daddy” before he went to work.. After going with some MagicDoodle therapy (Daddy is a ….) repeat and erase works wonders.. My girl asked me what the word was for Daddy (had no idea she could read Daddy!!).. I hastily re-wrote it to “poohead” which she proceeded to tell him as soon as he returned from work.. Oops.. Note to self.. MagicDoodle therapy no longer feasible :-)

  • http://lifeloveandhiccups.blogspot.com Sonia@ LIfe Love and Hiccups

    Oh God yes frequently and it is mortifying. I have never recovered from my youngest telling my sister in law that “Mummy says you have a Pussy Face” … I had actually said she had a snooty face and didnt realise that big ears were listening 😉 Good luck with this one hun and remember big ears hear everything xx